Architect or Imitator?
Have you forgotten that effortlessness takes work?
It’s been a week since the conclusion of Conner Hives’ adaptation of JFK Jr and CBK’s relationship and its abrupt ending, and yet twenty-seven years later, it still hurts.
I was a little skeptical about starting the show. I was very unimpressed by the original photos that leaked of Sarah Pidgeon portraying Carolyn [Bessette Kennedy], and Ryan Murphy productions haven’t been it for me in recent years. But I started the first episode and, much to my chagrin, was hooked.
The fashion industry has long moved past talking about quiet luxury as a trend—evident by the 2025 and 2026 runway collections—, but with the rise and success of this show, it has re-entered the chat.
A design concept that originated in the 1920s and matured in the 1990s—thanks to Calvin Klein, Helmut Lang, Jil Sander, to name a few—has developed a myth so deeply ingrained into it that not even the best of the best couturiers can untangle it.
The myth that if I embody this aesthetic, I embody the life that comes with it:
the…
perfect partner,
perfect job,
perfect life,
perfect wardrobe,
perfect taste.
As a society, we have established a modern Mount Rushmore of WASPs associated with this aesthetic and normalized becoming walking Pinterest board representations. The results are bleak in comparison to those in the ‘90s who developed a personal sense of style from it.
Nonetheless, iterations of girls clunking about in cigarette pants, tortoise shell headbands, ballet flats, and satin skirts—indistinguishable from the image they came from—all looking for their John John. Sadly, though, if the contestants of the look-alike contest indicated anything, there is never going to be another Prince of Camelot.
To be clear, there’s nothing wrong with having a vision, influence, or reference point; those things are great. But…
A vision without depth is nothing.
A vision without work is meaningless.
A vision without identity is styleless.
You can put a pig in Prada, but it’s still a pig.
Access to buying luxury goods has increased compared to other decades; this isn’t new. With this rise, did it cause a decline in style, restraint, and identity?
CBK and her daughters, whom she paved the way for, Morgan Stewart, Jasmine Tookes, Claire Rose, Laura Harrier, etc., are all referenced in some sort of way. It’s because of their style, their expression, their taste, that many want to try to copy or emulate.
Taste isn’t something you just wake up with and suddenly have. Through time, it’s acquired. Through mistakes, it’s acquired. Through education, it’s acquired. Through life experience, it’s acquired.
A master class in taste is a master class in discernment. To be so in tune with your sense of person and not be crippled by the fallacy of needing an item to look good.
Need nothing, want everything, right?
And taste isn’t just evolved from experimenting with clothes.
It’s through life. A life lived.
No one spends time nurturing their lives anymore; it’s an endless cycle of sourcing convenience instead of creation. Without exploration, art, film, relationships, and interests, we forego building our taste levels, which in turn builds individual style. That’s the taste you think you’ve attained, and not by dressing a certain way.
There’s been plenty of times I’ve missed the mark on something, but that’s what style is. It’s missing the mark. The freedom to dance between different trends before knowing what works for you. Personally, some of my favorite looks were the times I got it wrong, because I now know what works for me, what I feel confident in, and what accentuates my proportions.
I was recently photographed by a Vogue Editor because she was inspired by my outfit that day. Interestingly enough, it was just an “errands” look. I was carrying flowers, a baguette in my bag, out and about. My look worked for me that day because my closet serves me, not the other way around.
As a long, loved admirer of CBK, I proudly hold her as a style reference and not for her wearing denim and a cardigan, but for her love of designers that could armour her beautifully against the chaos of her world, Prada, Yohji Yamamoto, Ann Demeulemeester, to name a few. She built her style around her life, and that’s what’s being missed now.
We want the house, the partner, the life, the thing, and nothing is wrong with wanting good for yourself. I get it. But do you have the discipline to get you to your desires? And once you have your desires, can you retain them? Oftentimes, the answer is no. To be completely surrendered; to finally decide to make a change. That’s the work.
It has nothing to do with the clothes, but everything to do with the person who embodies it.
Transformation is the piece that no one wants to engage with. It’s slow. Repetitive. Ugly. I understand why it’s easier to adopt an aesthetic than build the life beneath it.
As a society, we live somewhere between the arrival fallacy, “an ill for a pill,” or outsourcing to AI. Discipline isn’t even a part of the conversation. Who needs it when you can bypass and get to the finish line in a second?
“Talent is insignificant. I know a lot of talented ruins. Beyond talent lie all the usual words: discipline, love, luck, but, most of all, endurance.”
James Baldwin
People gravitate to this aesthetic often because they want to appear effortless, chic, sophisticated, what have you.
Have you forgotten that effortlessness takes work?
Work that is done in private, ugly, and says no more than yes. That’s the real essence you’d want to embody that the picture isn’t voicing.
What I’ve learned—and continue to learn—is that this work is…
Scary, vulnerable, challenging, lonely, and ugly.
It’s also…
Beautiful, healing, loving, honest, and magnetic.
I love this principle from my Meditation teacher, “If you want to achieve losing 40lbs, you won’t want it to happen all at once, otherwise you’d be in critical condition. You start slow.”
The thing with discipline is that results don’t come immediately. They don’t even show after 7 days of consistency. That’s where most people lose and give up. They check the scoreboard, see no results, and throw in the towel.
We subconsciously need at least 30 days before new beliefs, thoughts, and actions take hold. Of course, you can start to feel a change earlier than that, but for a lasting impact, it takes time, it takes discipline of the mind, it takes discipline in your habits.
To plainly put it:
“Discipline is about designing your life so that it’s easier to make the right choice than the wrong one… don’t be confused between motivation and discipline; motivation fades with moods, discipline survives with systems…you need to set up systems in your life that make practicing discipline more natural.” Jay Shetty
Discipline brings real confidence; “No” becomes your best friend; your inner reality starts to align with your outer reality.
You cannot perceive your outer world based on influences you didn’t decide, and think your inner world will align.
Be disciplined with yourself. Be discerning with your life.
Design your life, your style, your taste, yourself by your identity, not by a picture of someone else.
x,
Joshua